Staying with Friends and Family

 

Many experienced bed wetting travellers may have no problem staying at a hotel and asking to have their needs met, but will be terrified at the prospect of staying with friends or family. The relative anonymity of a hotel makes revealing an embarrassing medical condition much easier, whereas we may be reticent to share such personal information with those with whom we are close.

I suppose there are two situations which I wanted to discuss, the first is staying with friends and family who are aware of one’s bed wetting and staying with those who are unaware.

A few months ago I visited my parents, and slept in their guest room. My parents are well aware of my bed wetting as I wet the bed while growing up. They have driven me to doctors appointments, helped me keep a bed wetting journal, woke me up in the middle of the night to use the washroom, and have been woken up in the middle of the night by yours truly.

Despite all of this, returning to visit still seems a little strange. As an adult child, I want to develop a more adult relationship with my parents, and this means moving beyond the types of conversations relating to private health and well being, and having more meaningful conversations. Talking about my bed wetting seems retrograde to this desire. But it was still necessary, so that I didn’t ruin their guest bed.

My mother was the first to tactfully bring up the subject upon my arrival, when she discreetly asked whether I still needed protection on the bed, and when I said yes, she showed me where it was kept and I handled things from there.

This was relatively painless, but it still seemed to cut into my autonomy and independence.

Most life-long bed wetters will be out to their parents (and I can’t imagine how this would be possible otherwise), and it is quite likely that other close family members are aware of their condition as well. Now in my case a portion of my family was aware of my problem when I was growing up, aunts and uncles with whom one would stay when traveling or camping and so on, but as you get older, most of these people would assume that you would outgrow bed wetting, like most kids do. As such ‘Uncle Bob’ who popped down a plastic sheet for you and helped you be discreet around your cousins when you were a kid, is not likely to assume that you still wet the bed as an adult.

The question is then, what to do when visiting friends of family that are unaware of your condition. The first suggestion might be to simply tell them, and this might work, depending on your relationship with them and your comfort in discussing a potentially embarrassing issue with them. If you are comfortable doing this, good on you, but like many medical things, bed wetting is something that you may want to keep private. Our society is not yet at the stage where we are totally open about such things, and as such, you might be right to worry that revealing yourself as a bed wetter might somehow alter your relationship with that person.

So if telling the people you are staying with is not a possibility, then discretion is the next best thing. Obviously if you leak or actually wet whatever you are sleeping on you will have to tell your host, and this seems to have even more social pitfalls. You also want to avoid damaging your hosts bed or couch, or whatever you are sleeping on.

As such, there are a couple of things that I do to avoid problems when staying with friends and family who are unaware of my bed wetting.

1. Wear your best protection – this is not the time to try out the store brand cheap pull up diapers, you want the top end ones that will not leak.
2. Bring your own plastic bags for disposing of said top-end diaper should if become wet. I also bring a cloth bag for transporting my night time necessities to get charged in the washroom if need be, or for discreetly transporting the wet diaper.
3. Do all of the lifestyle things you do to reduce your chances of wetting. If you are like me, you know there are certain foods that will increase your chances of wetting, avoid these. Don’t stay up late drinking diuretics, and double void before bed. If you can’t do all of these things, you may want to set an alarm for just before you might typically wet, and get up and pee. Many of you will have tried this as kids.
4. Bring a soaker pad/absorbent disposable bed pad. These are a little tricky but you can always throw one down right before you sleep and fold it up when you get up.
5. Call the air mattress, or the floor. I always hate sleeping on someones new couch or bed, as this adds just a little more stress to the situation, if given the option, I will volunteer for the air mattress or floor.
6. Get as discreet a sleeping spot as possible, if you have the option between the couch or the guest room, lobby for the guest room. Also bring discreet sleeping clothes, or a bath robe. Pyjamas are not always the most discreet clothing for covering up a very bulky top-end diaper, so slide on a pair of shorts over top, or some other solution. And remember that good friends are not likely to say anything if they happen to notice.
7. Accidents happen, if they do, own up and clean up. Good friends will understand. Once a bed is wet, the time for discretion ends. Never lie and try to cover things up.
8. Early to rise… Getting up early helps give you time to deal with any wet products, to shower and to tidy away any bed pads, etc. Make yourself a morning person for the duration of your stay. Getting in the habit of going for an early morning walk gives you the chance to discreetly dispose of any wet diapers in public bins.
9. That medication that works but has annoying side effects? Maybe this is the time to try it out again. I’m hesitant to make this suggestion, as if the medication did work you would be using it. However I know that in my case there are a couple of medications that sort of work but have uncomfortable side effects, if I were really worried when staying with someone, for example, the worst case scenarios of sleeping in a very public couch, or sharing a bed (things we’ve all likely done in our youth, but fortunately are less common as we grow up), I might reach for that medication.

At the end of the day, the most important thing to do is to stay relaxed, do what you usually do that works and have a good visit.